Sometimes just think that y am i the only prefect that is out of that class... i am so useless cant even make myself study harder keep playing computer games. maybe i should have faith in myself... but where do you think i gonna get all those!
sometimes being that 'intelligent' isn't a great thing at all, keep getting stress all over getting quite emo nowadays, dun noe why must we ever grow up but sometimes grown ups may be better but when it is better you could only live for a few more years. at the blink of eye its already twenty or thirty years time passes far but hurt doesn't it stick to your heart so for a year or so but some just haunt you down all your life! really wonder should i be happy or what someone just tell me why are we in this world with pain, hurt or anything you doesn't want. searching for the light in my heart dun even noe when would i get out of this dark tunnel, if i got out will it be a gd thing or should i just stay inside? sufferings everywhere you could get family problems, sch works, frens, just stress... where do i get all this out or should i just let it seep into my heart. sometimes really wanna cry in sch like in Mr Fato's (maybe wrong spelling) class how could they do those thing to him? really useless of me not help a guy that is old enough be our grandfather. like what our form teacher say we are worst then scums so disappointed with all of us. rite after that was eng lesson he came in, instead of scolding us he came in and praised us, how forgiving can he be! i was on the verge of crying when he told us that he doesn't want us to get scolded but he wanted us to be more responsible with our own actions. with this i broke down into tears keep dripping like a loosen tap. he was the second teacher that made me cried no idea how great he was.
i also hate myself for 'mistreating' Mrs tan last year, this years she was my teacher too, during classes she got 'bullied' by those idiots in class hate me for not standing up for her... maybe cos i didn't even want to care bout myself.
times passes really doesn't want people beside me to get hurt rather seeing them as happy as before, must be in lots pressure to be in the first class, pressures from teacher and sch but do you think you all are the only ones suffering never imagine wat people around you felt. other classes are also having problems not just because we are not in the class we do not experience pressure you all are feeling. do you all ever think that all this people suffer more ? try being scolded by you parent saying you stupider than other. lots of ppl are also suffering!
not saying all this because of my own selfishness but y so stupid hiding everything inside of you having the idea of killing yourself! sometimes don't you all know that saying out to ppl that care to you is much more better better then others guessing wat are you thinking. admit that i also keep things to myself but really hate that, someday we may blow .
To: P'family and other P we are a big family having problems dun mind sharing it out? especially to P'family, notice that we have lots of stress.
wish everyday was as happy as it could ever been.
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