Deep thoughts, Deeper moments, Deepest confusion

Don't know whats gone into me... feeling very lost, very tired of running already, really hope to have a long long break... however i know running away doesn't get me anywhere, i only seep into it deeper and deeper... but what can i do? i can't possibly sit down to think of a way, time seriously wait no man how long do i need to take? or should i just start with it right away, aiming aimlessly towards things... maybe i am in a dream that tell me what i am going to be if i still continue to do what i am doing (pinched* pinched*) NO! i am not in a dream, this is a reality, always want to be optimistic, but can i? facts is all infront of me, can't escape out of it.

Always knew that behind all darkness there will always be light, but i have been waiting for quite awhile but it doesn't seem to appear... Should i continue to wait for it? or should i make my own light, a light that can shine through all darkness and keep me going, but for everything, i need something in order to get the thing. where can i find the thing, what am i missing?

Envy all my friends around me, getting all high marks but all are not happy of what they got, kept complaining about how many marks to this, do well in this can score better in this, really can't take it anymore!!!NO MORE!!! stop it already, can you all? comparing your results and whining about how much you all got... but can't you all just take pity on me... stop this already. shouldn't i be the one who do all this? all this whining, complaining, crying, moaning... what exactly should i or can i do?...

Really damn lost now, lost my sense of direction, lost myself, lost in this 'dream'. how could i get out of this? oh someone, please, please save me out of this nightmare...

Odd... shouldn't i be happy after exam, releasing such a heavy load... time really passes very fast. life of secondary three: should i be happy or sad? is it another nightmare or it is a start of something new?

~("Buddies")~

Really really cherished them alot, these are friends that is hard to find, no words could possibly described them... we been through quite alot and hope that this bond would not be broken... don't really know how to express my gratitude towards them... thanks really much...

@(~Jun~Bran~Sky~Malz~)@

What should we do?

Today, the secret was revealed... but all i could see is hurt and pain around them...somehow, she doesn't expect this to be happening. i also quite involve in it, seeing them like that really hurts but what can i do? whats going to happened? maybe i shouldn't even talk when i was there... maybe if he is the one revealing all this none of this incident would happen...whats she is doing now is screaming her head out and hope that this wasn't happening Seriously, don't know whats going to happened this few days but hope its great, cause really don't want gaps in between hard for us and hard for them. what he wish was a happy ending...
but now not sure if he is the Mr. Right cause he never got a reply and he assumed that he does not stand a chance... haiz really hate to see all this stupid things going on!!! stop it!!! no more!!! how i wish i could reverse time and stop all this from happening and even erase it from their mind so they forget about this... life will be different after this day? really hope that it will not happening if not there's only a choice...a choice that will would be...
but from what i know, no matter whats the outcome, he will always want her to be happy... a smile on her face suits her the best/more then anyone...

Down and here are the savers......

Yesterday, i was really down but dont really want to say it out. luckily Shi Qiang and Jun Liang were outside of my class and they console me, dont know why would i get 'the thing'!!! I am also very glad that Brandon even took out some of his time for going through his exam script and console me. very grateful to them all! best buddies forever!!!

!TRUST!

All i ever i wanted is a simple word: (TRUST) but i simply cant get it, even from my VERY VERY BEST buddies! sometimes kind of find it meaningless without trust, secret that arent allow to be spoken have been allow leak out, and ironically instead of finding others, their first suspect is me... cant believed that they could do this, feel damn hurt... and utterly disappointed. feeling of it is like a deep scar, deeply craved into your heart, no matter what you do also cant amend it. its not that i am a person full of grudge but all i need is just trust in everyone eyes, and why cant they give it to me?
I watch them fall every time, i got my head in and watch them cry every time but dont wish that their hopes fades away every time.
WHAT ABOUT TRUST?
you know they never want to hurt you......
Life is always full of 'surprises' hope that they react with what i say, if not i really dont know what to do and feel that all is very meaningless......
*****TrU5+*****

Exam, Exam and Exam

Nowadays noticed that lots of people were very stressful due to examination, all assuming that they are going to flung their work... haiz...
Hope and fate would not find you, you are the only one that can find your own hope or fate.
Sometimes, ever wonder if 'Failure is the start of a success'? seriously i don't think that this sentence is true, now at this time you are only given a chance, if you miss it then that it! don't know if it is a good thing to learn from your mistake as only a chance i given... try to take note of people around you that cares for you and cherish them.
its very difficult now to find a group of friends that you could really share things out, its very lucky as i did have one, but the thing is i think i did not really treat them well. somehow i think that i should not be at that very place, at that very moment, cause i am not needed in there. sometimes think that i am annoying to be in there and hope to get up, but luckily they did not think that way, glad to have them as my best friends! :P
Below is a picture of hope you could get when you lose them:
This remind me of my friends help i could get from them, really really thank them... never will i forget about them......PAP ROX!!!